Quantum Leap. GEN
Categories: GEN, Humor, Parody
Characters: Sam Beckett
Spoilers: Quite possibly the whole series. Or it's equally possible that this actually spoils nothing.
A/N: This idea pestered me while I was writing a Stargate SG-1 parody. Maybe if I write it down I can sleep.
Disclaimer: Belisarius Productions and Universal Studios own Quantum Leap, so hopefully they'll forgive me. ENT belongs to Paramount, and they can keep it.
Edward slid into the corner booth at the Unseen Dimensions Diner. "So, he pass the test yet?"
Elmer looked up from his coffee. "Nope."
"Any progress at all, then?"
"Not a bit." Elmer signaled the waitress for a refill. "If anything, he's getting better at failing."
"Eventually we'll have to give up, you know."
"And do what, exactly? We can't harm him."
"We can't let him keep mucking around with the timestream, either."
"As long as we keep testing him, we maintain some control." Elmer added another lump of sugar to his coffee. "He can't change anything global. Certainly not cosmic."
"He shouldn't be changing anything at all, and you know that."
"Look," Edward said. "I can't deny that some of his changes have been real improvements, but the whole point of this testing was to prove that he could resist the temptation to tamper with history. Obviously, he's not only incapable of resisting, but he doesn't even understand that he should resist."
"I know," Elmer said. "We can't restore his memory and we can't return him to his own time now that he's discovered the key to time travel. I agree. But -- "
"They won't let us 'test' him indefinitely."
"I know, but I really don't have the foggiest idea about what to do with him."
"I might," Edward said quietly.
"Oh?" Elmer eyed him warily.
"We jump him forward. To 2151."
"You think it's cruel, I know, but hear me out." He waited for a nod from his companion. "The leap would pretty much wipe out his memory. He wouldn't be able to miss his wife, or Al, or anyone else from his old life. He'd be able to explore space -- his scientific curiousity is buried so deeply within his psyche that it should survive the leap -- and while we know about the unstability of the timeline at that point in history, he would not. From his perspective, he'd live out a full and interesting lifespan."
"And from ours he'd cease to exist, or to have existed at all, by the twenty third century."
"You've put a lot of thought into this."
"Were you that sure he'd fail?"
"His intellect won't survive the leap," Elmer said.
"He won't need it."
"I suppose not."
The strange tingling felt familiar, as did the sense of disorientation. Captain Archer blinked and looked around at the . . . bridge of his starship. "Oh boy."
"Have you ever known me to do anything foolish?" -- Captain Archer, proving that his memory is indeed swiss cheese.
This transformative work constitutes a fair use of any copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. Quantum Leap™© and related properties are Registered Trademarks of Belisarius Productions and Universal Studios. No copyright infringement intended. No profits made here. © Spiletta42, November 2005.