SG-1 S/J UST
Categories: Ship, Het, Angst, UST, Episode Tag
Characters: Sam Carter (primary), Jack O'Neill, Anise
Spoilers: Through season four, particularly Upgrades and Divide and Conquer. Set during Divide and Conquer.
A/N: The usual short episode addition for Divide and Conquer, because everyone does one. Yep, it's that missing scene.
Credits: Beta by Aria, Lizzoid, and Anne Rose.
Disclaimer: MGM doesn't mind, I hope.
So many realizations in Samantha Carter's life arrived in blinding flashes of insight -- usually with lives at stake; often her own life; even more often the lives of the people close to her -- that it therefore made perfect sense that falling in love would fit the same pattern. It fit that in her moment of clarity -- the moment in which the word love arose in her mind with a big capital L -- she'd be strapped to a bed in a military infirmary, with drugs coursing through her veins, an assassination plot underway, and the object of this insight about to meet his doom.
Jack O'Neill would die for her, and more than anything in this world or any other, she did not want that to happen. She loved him, regardless of her attempts to feel otherwise, and that was precisely why they were in this situation. Because she loved him, and she'd hidden the truth so thoroughly she'd even fooled herself.
"We lied," she told Janet. "We didn't even know we were lying. Please."
Janet ran to stop the procedure, leaving Sam with several minutes in which to figure out what to say to him. Saying it -- actually using the word -- seemed like a bad idea at best. So she'd avoid that, but she came to no other conclusions in those few minutes. She let Janet lead her down the corridor, her heart pounding and her throat dry. Okay, truth be told, her feelings scared her, but there were bigger things at stake. The others left them alone, and she removed the strap from his forehead.
She gave him the good news first. They weren't za'tarcs. And then she tried hinting. Jack was a brilliant man, but only when he felt like it, and he had no particular incentive to take this hint. She had to push, gently, and finally take something very similar to the direct approach.
"Oh," he said. "That."
A rather succinct summary of the problem, she thought.
And also a fine example of just why the l-word problem had arisen in the first place. He was just so . . . Jack.
Anise tested him again. He hesitated at first, but at Sam's prompting -- it took only a single word -- he looked directly at her, his eyes locking with hers as he said so much with those few words. He spoke the truth in its most muted form, not quite saying it, and yet at the same time telling her everything.
Her heart ached with the fullness of it.
Then it was her turn.
Sam took the seat as Jack vacated it, her eyes meeting his. It was all there, everything, in those eyes, and she found it impossible to look anywhere else as Janet strapped her to the chair. Then Anise began the questioning.
With part of her mind, she was back there again, staring across that force shield at Jack, witnessing what he felt for her, unguarded for the first time, in what they both thought were their final moments.
The other part of her mind remained here, in this room, staring into Jack's eyes. She tried to find the words that were just honest enough to convince the machine, without sacrificing both of their careers -- and their duty to the planet -- in the process.
"He couldn't save you," Anise said.
"But he could have saved himself."
"Possibly," Sam said. "I wanted him to try."
"And you tried to convince him?"
"I pleaded with him," she said. "And he turned to me, and the look on his face -- I knew he wouldn't leave me. He cared too much to leave me."
"There's something else," Anise said. "Tell me exactly what you were thinking."
Sam closed her eyes and swallowed, remembering the pain of the moment. "I was thinking -- I was wishing I could kiss him. I was thinking that I'd never told him what he means to me. We were standing there waiting to die, and it was too late, because we had this damn force shield between us, and I couldn't even touch him. He was going to die for me, and I couldn't even touch him."
"You are in love with him?"
"It's blue," Jack said, indicating the za'tarc detector. "She doesn't have to answer that."
Anise didn't even blink. "You are also not a za'tarc."
"Thank you," Sam said, and her eyes met Jack's as he crossed the room swiftly to release her. A tiny part of her wished she'd said it, but she saw in his eyes that he knew.
They left it in the room.
No choice, really. Their respective duties were far too important to let their personal lives interfere. The fate of the world rested with SG-1, and politics being what they were, the last thing they needed was to risk playing around with the regs.
The working relationship mattered more.
They exchanged the understanding, and agreed to it, with barely a sentence between them. At least they both knew now. Really knew, even with that one word still unspoken. It felt good to know, but she didn't have much time to reflect. Duty called.
They had an assassination plot to foil.
This transformative work constitutes a fair use of any copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. Stargate™©, Stargate SG-1™©, and related properties are Registered Trademarks of MGM Studios. No copyright infringement intended. No profits made here. © Spiletta42, September 2006.