|Fandom:||Star Trek Voyager|
|Warnings:||Holosex and emotions pertaining to holosex.|
|Categories:||Ship, Het, Drama, Romance|
|Characters:||Janeway, Chakotay, Paris, holo!Chakotay|
|Summary:||What if Chakotay grew a pair? Fair Haven revision.|
|Credits:||Thank you to Diana Forester and Anne Rose for the beta work.|
|Disclaimer:||Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount Pictures. Infringement intended. God invented sex.|
Chakotay tried to give Kathryn his unconditional support. He teased her gently about the hologram, and assured her that she shouldn't feel any embarrassment. He even let her think he'd indulged himself, although he hadn't.
How desperately lonely must she feel to have turned to a holographic lover. He ached to comfort her, and boiled with jealousy at the very thought of the program. How pathetic. He stared at the synthehol in his glass.
"Let me guess." Tom Paris landed on the next stool. "This is about the captain and a certain bartender?"
"Don't even think about giving her a hard time about it, Paris."
"I wouldn't dream of it. She's lonely, Chakotay."
"I know. Trust me, I know."
The two men sat in silence for a while. "Chakotay, what's the one thing you fear the most?"
He swirled his drink, watching the light play off of the liquid in the glass. "My greatest fear? That the woman I love will regret making love with me."
"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard," Tom said. "I'm glad it wouldn't happen that way."
"It could. She's the captain. There's protocol, and Starfleet's reaction. I think we could deal with those. But our command relationship would change. I'd see her through the eyes of a lover, and in a command situation, I think she'd feel vulnerable."
"If she had the choice -- "
"She doesn't. She can't."
"Maybe. How about a third option?"
Alpha shift had strained her patience. Janeway needed to escape for a while. She paused at Chakotay's door, regretting that his quarters weren't her destination, then headed to the holodeck. Captain Kathryn Janeway couldn't afford to let a man love her, but Katie O'Clare didn't have the same restrictions.
"Computer, activate Paris Delta One." She watched the hologram shimmer into existence.
"Hello, Kathryn." The hologram wasn't Michael Sullivan. "We need to talk."
"Chakotay, I -- we can't talk about this." She turned from him, shaking, her thoughts jumbled. He'd always respected her space. Why a confrontation now, like this?
"I'm not the real Chakotay," the hologram said. "You can talk to me, and he'll never know what you said. Nothing will change between you. Please hear me out, Kathryn."
She turned back to him. "Why are you here?"
"Come sit down, and I'll try to explain."
He was only a three hundred deciwatt holodeck program, so why was she trembling? He led her to a small table surrounded by trees. Sunlight filtered through the branches. A freshly brewed pot of coffee waited for her.
She took a sip. Replicated, not holographic. "Why are you here?"
"Chakotay, the real one, created me as a gift for you. You can turn me down without hurting him, since he'll never know what happens here. Or you can let me try to fill the void in your life."
She swallowed hard.
He reached across the table and took her hand. "I was programmed to resemble the real Chakotay as closely as possible. His love for you is a part of me. I love you, Kathryn, and I want to make you happy."
His touch felt warm, even if it didn't send a tremor through her like the real thing. She watched his thumb make small circles on the back of her hand.
"If you'd rather have Michael -- "
"No," she said quickly. "It's not that."
"He's jealous of Michael, but he understands. He programmed me to take care of you and to fulfill all of your needs. We can talk, hold each other, even make love, and nothing will change. Protocol will remain intact. Your first officer won't know you as a lover."
She studied his face. So like her Chakotay, so full of concern for her. "But it will feel like I know him intimately. That's not -- "
"Fair? Right?" He lifted her hand and threaded their fingers together. "You will know him intimately. It's what he wants. But he'll never know what you choose to do here, by his own choice."
She swallowed hard.
"Dance with me, Kathryn." He stood and pulled her gently to her feet. "Let me hold you close just once before you decide."
Music began to play, as if the trees themselves had burst into song. His body felt warm and solid against hers. She could feel the play of his muscles against her. All the hologram lacked, physically anyhow, was Chakotay's warm masculine scent.
She rested her head against his shoulder and let the fantasy drive away the tension. It felt good to be held. His fingers trailed through her hair and he kissed the top of her ear.
With a shiver, she looked up into his eyes. The intensity in his gaze tugged at her. Would his kiss seem as real? She stretched up and brushed his lips with hers. His lips were warm and soft. She kissed him again, softly, and nibbled at his lower lip. A tremor ran through him, making her shiver as well, and he teased her lips apart to tangle their tongues together.
The frantic rhythm of her heart chased away coherent thought. She ran her fingers through his hair and held him to her. His hands drifted down her spine, pulling her closer. His lips left hers to trail down her jaw and nibble at her ear. She arched her neck, encouraging him, shivering at the tickle of his breath against her neck.
She forgot, for a blissful moment, that she was on the holodeck and this wasn't really Chakotay. She stepped back and tried to catch her breath. "We have to stop."
"We don't have to do anything, Kathryn." His hands trailed down her arms to grasp her hands. "It's all up to you."
She smiled softly. "Thank you for a wonderful memory."
"Only a memory?" He kissed the back of her hand. "I hope I'll see you again."
"I don't know," she said. "Computer, end program."
Janeway tossed and turned half the night, wondering how she could face Chakotay on the bridge. He wouldn't know she had even visited the holodeck, but he could always read her moods so well, she felt as if he'd know.
Her loneliness was obviously transparent for him to have even set up such a thing. She tried to get angry with him for playing with the parameters of their complex relationship, but she just couldn't do it. He'd done it for her, giving to her selflessly, as he often did.
She couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like, if she hadn't stopped with a kiss. And what a kiss. Holograms usually kissed like, well, holograms. The Chakotay hologram had kissed her like he loved her.
She'd never laid in bed and fantasized about making love with Michael. Outside of the holodeck she rarely thought of him. But the Chakotay hologram was nearly as compelling as the man himself, and she'd spent years imagining a night with him.
Could she have it both ways? Could she maintain her current friendship with Chakotay after experiencing a night of passion with his double? He obviously thought she could.
The thought tempted her, and kept her awake long into the early morning.
The Delta Quadrant failed to provide a distraction as Janeway sat on the bridge and tried not to think about either one of the Chakotays.
She spent half the morning overanalyzing everything Chakotay said or did. Had he smiled at her because he knew? Had he not touched her hand because he didn't want her to think that he knew?
Her thoughts made little sense, and she knew it. Chakotay had loved her for years, and she returned his affection. They never spoke of it, but they both knew it, and while she couldn't say that emotion never influenced their command relationship, it had never weakened it.
Last night hadn't changed anything and she wouldn't let it add tension to the most important friendship in her life. Nothing could change what she shared with him.
If that was true, tonight wouldn't either. Maybe spending some time with the hologram was exactly what she needed. The Doctor had already informed her that years of abstinence weren't healthy for anyone but a Vulcan priestess.
At the time she hadn't appreciated his comment. While a little flirting seemed harmless enough, she didn't really want to sleep with Michael. She'd heard stories of awkward holosex before, and it didn't sound appealing.
The Chakotay hologram, though, very much appealed to her. So did the real Chakotay. She watched his hands dance across the console between their seats. Oh yes, those hands appealed to her indeed.
She returned to the holodeck, this time without the regretful pause at her first officer's door. Maybe this wasn't quite what she really wanted, but it was closer than she had ever dared to hope, at least while still in the Delta Quadrant.
"Computer, activate Paris Delta One." She didn't realize she was holding her breath until it escaped with a rush. The Chakotay hologram hadn't reverted to Michael Sullivan.
"Hello Kathryn." He stepped forward and took her hands. "I've missed you."
She smiled. It felt like she'd seen him only ten minutes ago on the bridge. This was the program's way of reminding her that the two Chakotays weren't really one and the same.
Reassured by the thought, she reached up and traced the lines of his tattoo. "I've always wanted to do that."
He closed his eyes and gasped at her touch. "I've always wanted you to do that."
She studied his face, searching for differences. She couldn't see any.
"What else have you always wanted to do?" He slid his arms around her and pulled her close.
"This." She pressed a kiss to his chest, through his shirt. Holograms didn't have a scent. She pushed the observation aside and reached up to run her hands through his hair again.
He bent and kissed her gently. "And that?"
"Yes," she said. "Definitely that."
"Have you had dinner?"
He smiled. "Come with me."
He led her to the same wooded area as before, but the little table for two had disappeared. A picnic blanket spread over the soft grass. "Would you care for some wine?"
She made herself comfortable and accepted the glass.
He settled down beside her, kicking off his shoes. "Let me get those for you." He took one of her boots in his hand and slid it from her foot.
She flexed each foot in turn as he released them from their leather prisons. Sometimes she hated those boots.
He caught a foot again. "I've always wanted to do this."
When he started rubbing her foot her eyes nearly rolled back in her head. All of her tension melted away under his magic fingers.
"That's incredible," she said.
"After dinner I could give you a massage, if you'd like." He picked up her other foot. "Satisfaction guaranteed."
"I just might take you up on that."
He flashed her the same special smile that the real Chakotay saved only for her. She wished she saw the real Chakotay this happy more often. It always made her stomach flip when he gave her that smile.
The picnic basket held a selection of her favorite foods. He laid everything out and gave her a plate. "Your rations, I'm afraid."
After the meal she stretched out on the blanket and let him rub her shoulders and back. He had a talent for it. So did the real Chakotay, as she recalled.
His strong hands kneaded away all of her knots. Nothing he did even bordered on inappropriate, and yet she started to imagine his hands in more intimate contact.
She turned over and smiled up at him.
"Feeling more relaxed?"
"Yes, much better." Her breath quickened at the heat in his gaze. She wanted him, and she decided that for once she could have what she desired. "Kiss me."
He bent to comply, kissing her lightly, and she reached up to grasp his head. She wanted to lose herself in the illusion. She kissed him with hunger and aggression, trying to swallow him whole, as if that would make him real.
She pushed him onto his back and straddled him. The urge to see him, to touch him, erased all other thoughts. She tugged at his shirt, scattering the buttons, and lowered her head to taste his hot skin.
"Kathryn," he breathed.
She drew wet circles around a nipple with her tongue. His fingers slid through her hair and pulled her closer, encouraging her as she sucked at him, making his nipple grow larger and darker. She followed a path across his chest, leaving dark nip marks on his gilded skin.
"Did I hurt you?"
"Never." He reached up to tangle his fingers in her hair.
Again she kissed him, her tongue dueling hotly with his. She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, then reached back and unclasped her bra. His hands immediately covered her breasts, palming her hardened nipples as she pressed into his touch.
She rolled her hips, rocking herself against him. He groaned and pulled her down for a bruising kiss. He rolled her underneath him and took a nipple between his lips, sucking hard.
She cried out, her fingernails digging into his scalp as she held him to her. He slid lower, pausing to kiss her stomach before unfastening her pants. She raised her hips, encouraging him to pull off her remaining garments.
Naked, she spread her legs wide, offering herself without modesty or shame. This wasn't a new lover who required a slow revelation, or a man whose judgment of her body might bring a moment's nervous apprehension. Nor was this someone with whom she could share seduction or loving. This was a hologram, programmed only for her pleasure. She wanted to forget all of that in the sharp joy of release.
He lowered his head and blew a soft stream of air across her sensitive flesh. She gasped, but she didn't want gentle teasing. She reached down, tangling her fingers in his hair, and pulled him to her. His tongue went straight to where she wanted him most and she revelled in the quick upward spiral to oblivion.
Her hips bucked upward as she reached her shuddering peak, voicing her satisfaction with a short cry. He didn't let up completely, but kept sucking gently, his hands gripping her hips and his mouth still working. Pushing him away would have meant facing him, and facing reality, so she ignored the discomfort of overstimulated flesh.
Suddenly it didn't feel like too much at all, and she pressed against him eagerly until she convulsed again, her muscles trembling as she went limp in his grasp.
That was certainly different.
He kissed his way up her body, but she stopped him before he reached her mouth, pushing him over on his back beside her. She fumbled with his trousers, nearly calling for the computer to remove them before he reached down and helped her.
Impatiently, she tugged the offending garments down around his thighs, then took his shaft in both hands and stroked him firmly. He groaned, and she watched his face contort with simulated pleasure.
She swung her thigh over him and slowly lowered herself onto his throbbing length. He felt real. She began to rise and fall, her thighs trembling with the exertion. Pausing, she rested for a moment, and he pulled her down against his chest. He rolled them over and began sliding in and out of her depths.
The friction and fullness satisfied her body if not her soul. She drew her legs up, wrapping them around his body so she could thrust up against him. "Faster," she said.
He complied, thrusting into her straining body, working over her like a machine. He pressed the backs of her thighs, spreading her legs wider still and deepening his penetration. She felt the pressure steadily building within her as another climax approached.
Her hands ran up and down his back, finally resting on his tight buttocks. Holograms didn't perspire, she realized. The thought pulled her from the moment. She was on her back in the holodeck, her legs spread for an illusion. She turned her gaze to the remains of the picnic and started to order the computer to end the program.
"Kathryn." The hologram paused his movements. "Look at me."
She looked up into his face, the handsome face she had loved for years.
"Look at us, Kathryn," he said.
She followed his gaze down their bodies to where they were still intimately joined. Her breath quickened at the erotic sight. He started to thrust again, slowly, nearly pulling out of her completely before sliding home again.
"Chakotay," she gasped. "More, please more."
He began thrusting steadily and the inner buildup began again. They rocked together, panting, and when she didn't think she could stand it any longer, he reached down and tipped her over the edge.
She climaxed with a shout, and held him close as her muscles convulsed around him, both of their bodies slick with her sweat. He rolled off of her, and when she could breathe again he offered her a drink.
The water tasted good. Cold. She wondered if she could even stand.
The Chakotay hologram stretched out beside her and gazed at her as if he really did love her. "One more time?"
"Again?" She almost laughed. "I'm not sure I can even move."
"One more time." He kissed her deeply, his hand trailing down her body to cup a breast. His thumb circled, teasing her nipple to a hard point.
It felt nice. She lay back and let him linger over each breast, teasing, sucking softly, making her tingle with pleasure. He reached between her legs and rubbed gently.
She gasped, surprised at her own response.
"One more time?" he asked again. He entered her with his fingers, stroking slowly in and out. "Say yes."
"Yes," she agreed.
He kept teasing, making her squirm under his hand, and just as she raised her hips in anticipation of another explosion of bliss, he stopped.
He knelt between her open legs and rubbed himself between her slick folds.
She gasped and pressed herself against him, almost ready to beg for completion.
He entered her, rubbing her in rhythm with his strokes until the waves spread over her once again. Sweaty and limp with exhaustion, she let him kiss her again before lifting himself off of her body.
"Computer, remove character," she managed. She wanted to catch her breath in solitude. Someday she'd bask in the afterglow of lovemaking with the real Chakotay, but she didn't want to cuddle with his shadow now.
She rose and dressed quickly, trying to ignore how uncomfortable her clothes felt as she pulled them over her damp skin. She headed for her quarters, a nice hot shower, and her own empty bed.
She awoke feeling rested but sore. The night before seemed surreal, and if not for the burning ache in her thighs she might have thought she'd dreamed it. She wondered how the real Chakotay differed from his hologram, then scolded herself.
Alpha shift started in twenty minutes, and she couldn't risk such thoughts on duty. As it was, she didn't dare cross paths with Chakotay. She'd blush at the very sight of him.
She decided to spend the day in her ready room, and hope he didn't guess her reason.
Chakotay brought her lunch and chided her gently about not taking care of herself. While they ate, he told her the latest gossip, much of which centered around Megan Delaney and her loud but as of yet unidentified recent late night visitor.
"The walls on deck nine are paper thin," Chakotay said. "Maybe we should do something about that."
"Perhaps," she agreed absently.
She looked up at him. "What?"
"You're distracted," he said. "Is something bothering you?"
"No," she said quickly. "I'm just a little tired."
"You should relax more," he said. "I've got some holodeck time saved up. I'm willing to share if you're interested."
"I just went last night," she protested automatically. Then she fought with everything within her not to react to her own statement. "You need your down time as much as I do."
"I agree," he said. "But I'd rather spend some of it with you. How about it? Hiking in the crisp mountain air? Lake George? A game of velocity?"
She grinned at him. "Not all in one evening I hope."
"You choose the program," he said. "I'll pick you up at nineteen hundred hours."
"How can I refuse? I'll see you then."
Velocity would have been safer. Little chance for conversation, no quiet pauses, hardly even any eye contact. And a complete waste of an hour alone with Chakotay.
She chose hiking.
Chakotay set off down the trail. "If we hurry we can watch the sunset from the ridge."
"We don't have to hurry," she said, laughing. "The sun is programmed to set when we get there."
He turned back and took her hand, sending a jolt of excitement through her. They didn't hurry, but instead enjoyed the scenery as they headed for Sunset Ridge. It warmed her heart every time he smiled at her.
When they arrived at the ridge, the sun was just preparing to set. As they stood together watching the beauty unfold, she reached out and slid her arm around his waist. He gave her a smile that rivaled the sun itself, and draped his own arm around her shoulders.
Together they basked in the glow of the setting sun.
The temptation to visit the Chakotay hologram started to nag at her a few days after the Doctor's brush with celebrity. To purge some of her guilt, she decided to make a hologram of herself for Chakotay.
She circled her own scantily clad image with a critical eye. Did she really have a freckle there? And would he still see her as the captain once --
The thought stopped her cold. If she could give him this, then what exactly was stopping her from all the rest? She stared at the hologram. "Computer, delete program."
She hurried back to her quarters, almost desperate to make her move before she could think better of it. A quick sonic shower, a green dress, a softer, looser hairstyle. She replicated a bottle of wine and headed for his door.
"Kathryn!" He smiled broadly as he stood to greet her. "Did I forget a dinner date?"
"Of course not." She set the wine on the table. "I -- Chakotay, we -- " She shook her head.
He took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said. Amazing how the same touch could both soothe and excite. She reached up and traced his tattoo with a trembling finger. "I've always wanted to do that."
He closed his eyes and gasped at the contact. His breath quickened.
She slid her hand into his hair, watching his reaction before she stretched up to kiss him softly, gently tugging at his lower lip in what was clearly more than a gesture of affection.
He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around her and returning her kiss. He teased her lips apart and swept her tongue into a complex dance that robbed her legs of the ability to support her weight. She leaned against him, clinging to him, and kissed him until the need for breath became too great to ignore.
They swayed against each other, foreheads touching.
"Am I allowed to love you now?" he whispered.
"Yes," she said. "I love you. I want you, not your shadow."
"Promise me that you won't be sorry later."
"Only that we waited. I'm so sorry -- "
He silenced her with a kiss. "Don't be."
He led her into his bedroom and slowly undressed her, murmuring over the beauty of every inch of skin until she was blushing under his gaze. She undressed him as well, cherishing the slow revelation. She softly kissed him, savoring his warm masculine scent and the pleasure in his eyes.
They tumbled onto the bed and were briefly interrupted by a short yet decisive battle with the tangled sheets.
"Do you actually make this bed or just throw a quilt over the mess?" she asked. "And here I thought you were the perfect first officer."
"Never talk to me about Starfleet regulations as they pertain to bed making techniques," he answered. "You might see a side of me you won't like."
She laughed. "I love all of your sides, Chakotay. Never doubt that."
When he slid inside her for the first time, she nearly cried from the beauty and perfection of it. They moved together as one, gasping each other's name, savoring each other's joy. When she spiraled into bliss, he followed, and when they lay together panting she couldn't stop stroking his damp skin.
"I love you, Chakotay."
He kissed her deeply. "I love you, Kathryn." He studied her face, and she read the question in his eyes.
"I made a decision. If we can share all that we have already shared, why couldn't we handle this as well?" She stroked his face tenderly. "Your hologram was nice, but it's you that I love."
"I'll never tire of hearing that."
"Besides . . ." She grinned at him. "I think a love affair with my handsome first officer might cause slightly less trouble than a runaway case of holodiction."
He laughed and pulled her closer. "This is no mere love affair, Kathryn. We're in this for the long haul."
"I wouldn't want it any other way," she said.
Read the first place story here.
Star Trek™©, Star Trek: The Next Generation™©, Star Trek: Voyager™© and related properties are Registered Trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended. No profits made here. © Spiletta42, April 2004.