Warnings: Implied potential character death.
Categories: Ship, Het, Angst
Characters: Janeway, Chakotay
Spoilers: No Man's Land
Disclaimer: Paramount owns the universe. I, most unfortunately, do not.
A/N: Those of you who read No Man's Land by Christie Golden probably wondered what Janeway said in those letters she left in her quarters. So did I.
I don't need to leave you instructions regarding the ship. You'll captain Voyager as well as I ever did, and I am grateful that I can pass my sword into your capable hands.
I want to thank you for your support, loyalty, and friendship over the last six years. I can't imagine what I would have done without you.
Our friendship has enriched my life more than I can say. I am grateful to have known you. You saved me from loneliness, and from myself. You made life comfortable, on New Earth (a memory I cherish) and on Voyager. I can be open with you as with no one else, and that has helped beyond measure.
I never apologized for how I treated you during the incident with the Equinox, and yet you forgave me. Without that, I might not have been able to forgive myself. I shudder to think how I might have remained the vindictive, bitter captain that I was after I learned what Ransom had been doing. If I had killed Lessing...Well, let me just thank you for stopping me. You saved my soul that day.
I know that you love me. It shows in your eyes and in your actions. I wish that you could know that I love you, but I can't let it show. I'm telling you now, but how I hope you never have to read these words. Not like this. I want you to hear them from me, in the Alpha Quadrant. But if that is not the case, then at least now you know.
I love you, Chakotay. I think I always have. At least, I can't seem to remember a time when I didn't. I haven't shown it, and I've hurt you so many times, but while this can't excuse the pain I've caused you, I do want you to know that each time I trampled your heart, mine broke as well.
You have given me so much, while asking nothing in return. I am going to ask one more thing of you. I ask you to find happiness. No one deserves it more. Find someone to love. I want that for you. I don't want you to suffer the loneliness that I would have suffered without you.
I hope that you get that little ship you want, back in the alpha quadrant, and that you have a good life.
All my love,
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